Complications of the Heart
by YaoiAnimeHunter
Summary: Sometimes you never know what you had till you lose it, and sometimes you do but still let it go anyway. Lavi x Kanda, Kanda x Allen, Lavi x Oc (LaviYuu, Yullen)


Kanda and Lavi had a thing between them, there was no proclamation of love, they had spent nights in each other's beds, it was to relieve stress of course, being an exorcist was tasking, and sometimes Kanda needed someone to pound all that frustration into.

Lavi loved Kanda, so much it hurt, so much he would rather let the swordsman have his body, touch him, kiss him senseless than nothing at all. He couldn't complain as Kanda didn't seem like one for attachments or feelings. Yes he was a bookman but somehow the beautiful male had warmed his way into his heart and he couldn't help it. The pain was excruciating when Kanda was out on a mission, he felt a little better when Kanda came back and took him time after time in his bed. He was content with just sex, he felt a bit better knowing that at least Kanda wasn't even remotely interested in anyone else.

It all changed with Allen showed up. Allen was a nice kid and Lavi would never hate him or be mad at him, Lavi wasn't blind he saw that even though Kanda and the white-haired exorcist fought a lot, they had a special bond, one he didn't have with Kanda even after almost a decade of knowing each other.

Despite the pain, Lavi could see that Allen made Kanda happier and Kanda made Allen happy also. It hurt, his heart felt like it was being squeezed mercilessly when he saw the two together or when they fought. Whenever the two of them went to a mission together Lavi couldn't help but feel afraid that when Kanda came back he would no longer be his. Then it happened.

Kanda stooped inviting him to his bed, Kanda no longer looked at him as much as he used to, Lavi tried to hold on to him, begged him to talk to him, heck he decided to surprised the swordsman once by waiting for him on his bed, but Kanda nave came back that night.

Lavi had seen the smile on Allen's face when the two were arguing the next day, the amusement and happiness in Kanda's eyes was proof enough that Kanda was no longer his. He slapped on a fake smile, ordered his breakfast and headed towards them. Even though he joined the conversation he really didn't hear a thing they said, his head was in turmoil and his heart was shattering, but he kept telling himself that Kanda needed time and that Kanda would get over it and come back to him…. He never did.

Lavi had burst into Kanda's room to disturb him as usual but found the two in a passionate lip lock, and God it hurt, he felt like the biggest idiot in the history of idiots because he saw all the signs, he saw it coming but he ignored it, he told himself that it wasn't real, the two guys kissing in front of him that looked like his crush and his friend was definitely real.

How he left the room Lavi would never know, all he knew was that he found himself in the library surrounded by looks about love and heartbreak… Lavi chuckled bitterly, even his subconscious hated him.

Kanda had apologized, well as much of an apology as one could get from Kanda. He smiled and told Kanda it was okay, he told his crush he saw it coming. His heart was shattering with each word he said but he wouldn't let Kanda see him cry over him. As much as he wanted to hold Kanda and ask him why he choose Allen over him, he couldn't because they were both happy and he wasn't so cruel as to try to ruin their relationship.

Allen had noticed something was wrong, ever since Lavi burst into Kanda's room and found them in a rather embarrassing and compromising position, the red-head had been withdrawn, his smiles were forced, and the red-head looked damned right miserable. At first he thought Lavi was just being homophobic but he doubted homophobia could make the redhead look as miserable as he looked.

Kanda felt guilty, he wasn't foolish, contrary to what most people thought he wasn't stupid, he knew Lavi was in love with him, at first he didn't want to have sex with the red-head but there was something that kept making him come back time after time, it was frustrating and confusing and made him hate himself for taking advantage of the Lavi's feelings but he really couldn't stop himself.

Kanda liked Allen, as much as the Moyashi was annoying as much as they fought a lot, there was something there it was different from when he was with Lavi, and one day when they accidentally kissed on a mission Kanda felt weird, the feeling was confusing, frustrating and he felt as if something was dancing in his stomach. He really didn't know why but after the accidental first kiss he found himself wanting to kiss the Moyashi again, and when they did the look on Lavi's face made him feel like someone had sucker punched him in the gut. He wanted to run after Lavi and apologize and at the same time he wanted to pin Allen on his bed and fuck him senseless and for some reason he could do neither.

Lenalee had noticed that there was some weird tension between Lavi, Kanda and Allen and something told her Lavi was the cause of it, he had tried asking him but he snapped at her and told her to stop poking her head in his business, she snapped back and apologize of course, but her apologies only seemed to make Lavi angrier.

Lavi was damned right miserable, he had gotten angry at Lenalee for no reason, he wanted to be angry at Allen but he couldn't, he wanted to stab Allen multiple times or at least smash him with his hammer but he couldn't, the thought of hurting his friend made him feel guilty, the thought of Allen and his crush making out or doing something else made him feel miserable and heartbroken.

Krory had found an accommodator on his last mission; a young man named William, Lavi's first thought was that the man was way too good-looking to be a human being. His second thought was the man was way too sexy to be an exorcist; his third thought was what kind of innocence he used. It turned out William was a descendant of some Royal family in Germany. His innocence was a beautiful and definitely expensive sword with a family crest. Hevlaska had said Williams had an 85% compatibility with his sword, Hevlaska also said something like _"You see the truth, you will find him."_ Lavi was definitely interested in the new guy.

Williams watched the red-head guy with green eyes dulled with pain, something about the redhead's green eyes told him it was supposed to sparkle with mischief and curiosity not look solemn. The blonde aristocrat thought the redhead was cute, and for some reason he kept picturing with white bunny ears. He had spend the first three days trying to know more about the red-head and all he got was that his name was Lavi, he was 18, he was Bookman's apprentice, he had an eidetic memory and has been in a foul mood for almost two weeks. According to the Vampire looking guy who brought him to the black order, Lavi was usually friendly, mischievous, and basically the opposite of how he was now.

Williams saw a part of him in Lavi, he was sure he looked that way a year ago when his betrothed was killed by some weird-looking thing called "Akuma" and he concluded that the Redhead had probably lost a loved one, sadly he was proved wrong as the only relative or at least close to a relative the redhead had was the old panda looking guy. Which meant his theory was wrong, but he wasn't one to give up easily for some reason Lavi piqued his curiosity and he was determined to find out what was making the red head miserable, although some nagging feeling at the back of his head told him it had something to do with the girly looking, blue haired exorcist who kept glaring daggers at him. And something told him that asking the said exorcist what was making Lavi sad wasn't a good idea.

Kanda HATED William the moment he saw him, it was like an I-want-you-dead at first sight kind of thing, the blonde was way too beautiful to be real, no guy should be that pretty, which was suspicious to the long-haired samurai. Why the stupid over beautiful aristocrat didn't go sit his pretty ass in some castle instead of becoming an exorcist annoyed him. The anger got worse when he noticed the bastard staring at Lavi; it was almost as though all the bastard did was stare at Lavi.

Something about William intrigued Lavi, perhaps it was Hevlaska's revelation, the aristocrats beautiful blond hair styled in a short and low pony, and maybe it was his beautiful emerald eyes that seemed to see through everything, he had noticed the blonde staring at him, more than a few times and when Lavi flashed him a forced smile, the blonde seemed to frown making Lavi feel oddly self-conscious.

Allen was officially confused, ever since the new guy arrived Kanda had even in a sour mood, okay Kanda was always in a sour mood but this was worse, what confused him even more was the blonde seemed to ignore everyone except Lavi, funny enough the two didn't talk to each other much, the creepy part was that even though neither Lavi nor Williams talked to each other much, the two seemed to be looking at each other a lot, like A LOT! Despite that Allen had a lot going on, he had found out that Lavi and Kanda used to be together and he felt guilty, he felt as though he had broken them up and even though Kanda was trying to tell him that he didn't break them up, and that what they had was purely physical, it didn't seem that way, he noticed the hurt in Lavi's face despite the smiles, as well as Kanda's constant eyes on the Redhead. And Allen was almost certain he heard Kanda growl at Williams when the blonde and Lavi were talking about something that seemed to make the redhead laugh… his first real laugh in two weeks!

Williams Liked Lavi, not in the way he liked his ex-fiancée, or the way he likes women, no it was a friendly, older-brotherly type of like. He had invited the Redhead for lunch outside the headquarters and somehow got the bookman apprentice to breakdown and tell him about his feelings for the grouchy swordsman. The outburst cleared a lot of his questions about Kanda, seriously now he could somewhat understand why the grumpy male kept glaring at him, he could practically feel Kanda's murderous thoughts directed at him each time he as much as looked at Lavi.

If Williams was to be honest he would say that Kanda felt something for Lavi, there was no way whatever they had was purely physical, honestly it sounded like Kanda just needed time to sort out his feelings. He wasn't into men but he was raised to believe that love came in all forms and as such he wasn't against gay relationships, although he had never mat an actual gay person in his life until now he figured it couldn't be different from any other relationship. He was almost tempted to used the stereotypical 'make him jealous' approach to make Kanda realize his feelings but that would be wrong and he would be just as bad as the bastard _(yes he knew how to curse, he wasn't as innocent as they all thought he was, seriously did they thing all aristocrats couldn't curse or swear?)_ He sighed, the best thing was to give Kanda sometime to realize his feelings, it wouldn't do to tell Kanda to leave Allen for Lavi it was best he figured out his feelings for himself.

Lenalee was wondering what side to pick, there was going to be a full-blown battle soon, it was obvious. Kanda was practically radiating bloodlust when he saw William, the sexy blonde simply smiled and turned his attention to Lavi, and Lenalee swore she could hear Kanda snap. She wasn't sure what had happened between Kanda and Lavi or how William got involved, somehow Allen was also involved and everyone was waiting for the inevitable.. and that day was today.

Allen sighed for the hundredth time, he was frustrated, annoyed and hungry and for some reason he had no appetite. He had planned on ending whatever it was between him and Kanda, which would be easy if not for the fact that the idiot was practically ignoring him and sending telepathic death threats to the new exorcist, death threats everyone could see except for the new guy… and Lavi? Seriously he wasn't sure what was going on between Lavi and the new guy but he wanted it to end, the more Lavi kept hanging out with the new guy, the more irritable Kanda got, the more the finders and some exorcist refused to go within 20fts of them, the more suffocating the cafeteria was, Kanda's dark aura was taking up all the oxygen was well as robbing everyone of their appetite… once again everyone except the new guy and Lavi. Seriously Allen was starting to hate the new guy.

Kanda was seething, he couldn't remember the last time he heard the baka-Usagi call his name, and by that he meant the idiot calling him 'Yuu-chan' like he used to. At this point he would give anything to hear Lavi call him that, Lavi calling him 'Kanda' sounded wrong, he was sure it had something to do with the blonde bastard, and Kanda was sure the bastard was trying to annoy him on purpose. THE FUCKING BASTARD JUST HUGGED HIS USAGI and that was the last straw, with an inhuman speed Kanda had Mugen pressed against Williams neck, a tiny drop of blood was on mugen and Lavi realized that Kanda had actually hurt William.

"Holy, shit! Yuu what did you do?" Kanda snorted, now the Usagi decided to call him by his name. Lavi brushed aside the sword placed against William neck trying to see if the cut was serious although Kanda was certain it was just a graze nothing serious, still it pissed him that Lavi's attention was on the bastard instead of him.

Everyone had moved to the wall, Lenalee and Allen were alert, the fight was inevitable, Allen noticed the twitch of Kanda's eyebrows as Lavi kept fussing over William and Allen had half a mind to knock him out, seriously Lavi needed to shut up and calm Kanda down not fuss over the blonde, Allen was sure mugen didn't seriously injure William, and frankly in his opinion the sooner Lavi kissed Kanda the sooner this whole mess ends.

Lenalee might not have known what was going on but this much was certain; Lavi had to shut up and pay attention to Kanda, seriously weren't the two supposed to be best friends? Why had Lavi barely talked to Kanda for almost a month? Why the heck was Lavi calling Kanda 'Kanda' what happened to 'Yuu or Yuu-chan'? Lavi was supposed to be the brilliant one, why the heck hadn't he noticed that Kanda's mood got darker the more he talked to William? She had noticed that William and Lavi weren't exactly doing anything wrong, they didn't even flirt with each other, they were just friendly the last time she listened on one of their conversation they were talking about myths and boring stuff,saying boring jokes no one apart from them would get. Seriously it wasn't as though they were all lovey-dovey, nope! They were just close friends which was what confused her, she didn't know why Kanda got all jealous when they were together (which was almost all the time, they even when on a mission together, Kanda's mood was damned right murderous) but one thing was clear Lavi had to pay more attention to Kanda.

Kanda was getting angrier the more Lavi yelled at him, he finally had enough of the red head taking about his rude behavior to William and dragged him to his room, somehow just having Lavi in his room calmed him down, turning to Lavi he could see the same could be said for him also, as the redhead was notably calmer, although Lavi's breathing was getting heavy.

"What are we going here Kanda?" His voice was pained and strained, he had tried not to show how heartbroken he was but being in the room brought back memories, memories he wanted to forget at the same time never forget. It was hard to breath and he felt his eye start to water, the was going to break down, in front of Kanda, in a room that used to be their haven. He tried to pull his had free from Kanda's grip but the Japanese tightened his grip.

"Don't call me that" His voice was soft and almost loving.

"Its your name, remember?"

"Not to you, its not." His voice was still soft, Kanda leaned closer to Lavi, making the redhead back up till his back was against the wall, Kanda sighed, he had missed Lavi, he had missed being called Yuu-chan even though he honestly hated the name, it stil hurt when Lavi called him 'Kanda', it made him feel like a stranger. Lavi's head was turned away from kanda, his eyes fixed on the floor, and Kanda could see the unshed tears he was holding back, an overwhelming wave of guilt him knowing he was the one causing HIS usagi this much hurt. "I'm sorry" It was barely a whisper but Lavi heard it.

"For what? For finding out that you loved Allen not me? Its okay I saw it coming."

Kanda sighed, he really wasn't good with talking or emotional stuff, and usually Lavi understood what each grunt or 'che' meant even without him saying anything. How was he supposed to apologize to someone who understood him even without saying anything. He desperately wanted Lavi back, he had never actually had sex with Allen and he had been on a one month dry spell, but that wasn't the point, the point was that the only person he wanted in his bed was the guy in front of him, the point was that he couldn't stand seeing that bastard laughing with his rabbit, he couldn't stand not hearing Lavi teasing him, disturbing him or dragging him for some boring history shit he had no interest in, the point was he missed Lavi and he was finally certain of what he felt for the red head.

"I'm not in love with him" silence, Lavi still wasn't looking at him, but he could hear the fast beating of the redhead's heart, he could hear Lavi's breath hitch, he could feel the fast rise and fall of lavi's chest. He really wasn't good with words so he figured if he couldn't tell Lavi what he wanted to say he could as well show him.

Kanda leaned closer to Lavi, his arm snaking around Lavi's waist pulling him even closer to him, his placed his fingers on Lavi's cheek gently tilting his head so that the redhead could look at him and maybe see that the Moyashi was not the one he wanted to be with.

Lavi gazed into Kanda's eyes; his blue eyes were gentle and loving, as much as he still loved Kanda, being this close to him hurt, the heartbreak was still fresh and he didn't want to go back to being Kanda's bed warmer he wanted more, but he knew Kanda couldn't give that to him. He tried to look away, the look Kanda was giving him wasn't for him, it was for Allen and Lavi wasn't going to be a substitute for the younger male, Kanda didn't let go of him, he kept turning his head back to face him, his heart beat faster, and Lavi had half a mind to curse God for doing this to him, he closed his eyes but the tears still escaped, he felt warm hands brush away the tears. "Please stop this Yuu, I.. I can't"

"I'm sorry."

"Please stop, go back to Allen, just leave me alone, please." His voice low and strained, the tears kept falling despite his closed eye, his body shaking with sobs.

"I can't, I missed you." Lavi shook is head, he wasn't going to believe this, he wasn't going to bare his heart out to him again and have it smashed, as much as he desperately wanted to believe that Kanda was saying what he thought he was saying, he couldn't bear it if it was all a lie. "I'm not lying, Usagi." The way Kanda said the pet name was gentle, he opened his eye and found himself staring at sapphire eyes, he search for any doubt or lie in those eyes and found none, he closed his eyes and shook his head, it was all too good to be true. "You don't mean it; you're just saying that… you just want me in your bed… I can't do this anymore… I.." He was cut of by a pair of soft lips, he gasped at the touch, and Kanda deepened the kiss, causing his legs to give out, Kanda's arm around his waist supported him, the Japanese, broke the kiss and stared at the red haired male, his arms still holding him.

"Yuu…"

"I want you back."

"What about Allen." His voice was low, his head was pressed against Kanda's chest he could hear the fast beating of the samurai's heart.

"The Moyashi is not you, he couldn't replace you, it's different when I'm with you."

"And what happens when you get tired of me."

"I'll never get tired of you." He raised Lavi's head up, with his fingers and gazed in to uncertain wet green eyes. "I love you."


End file.
